I am absolutely 100% terrified of being irrelevant. Petrified of the possibility that I am not as unique, as beautiful and as amazingly, life-changingly intelligent as I was raised to believe. These are the dangers of entering the real world after spending a lifetime among supportive, lovely, wonderful people who have always assumed that everything will turn out for the best.
But what if it doesn’t? What if I do not posses the intelligence, the stamina, the drive to pull my life out of anonymity and into the spotlight? What if all I am capable of or best suited for is a retail track? Bar management?
I saw two very different shows this past week, both because college friends were performing. One was a very polished, very professional tap company performing all the classics, all the way back to Bojangles. The theater was refined, on the Upper West Side, complete with exposed brick wall and a small wine bar, apparently donated by Leonard Nimoy adjacent. The entire show looked like it had been designed by the wardrobe head of Seinfeld, or perhaps Seinfeld himself, and the score was a complete ninety minutes of smooth jazz, performed by a live band.
The second show was an open stage, out in Brooklyn at Galapagos Art Space. Innumerable circus acts got up, did their ten or fifteen minute bit, some more original than others. Poverty stricken as my friend and I were and thus determined to not indulge in the delicious cocktails of the Galapagos, we broke down before intermission because the vaudeville parade was just too much.
Both performances left me wondering ‘Why am I here? Why are they here, dedicating time and energy to an art form gone by, no longer in touch with contemporary culture? WHY are these people dressed like Seinfeld? Or Like Lucy and Ricky?
The answer is people think there are solutions hidden in our past. I subscribe to the idea that history repeats itself. I hate the fact that progress is hard and painful and often times more destructive than doing nothing at all. But I am so darn scared of being that symbol of evolutionary failure, the dinosaur.