#usblogs week 4: your greatest fear. And don’t say spiders, ya wuss

Dear UsGuys,

I am absolutely 100% terrified of being irrelevant. Petrified of the possibility that I am not as unique, as beautiful and as amazingly, life-changingly intelligent as I was raised to believe. These are the dangers of entering the real world after spending a lifetime among supportive, lovely, wonderful people who have always assumed that everything will turn out for the best.

But what if it doesn’t? What if I do not posses the intelligence, the stamina, the drive to pull my life out of anonymity and into the spotlight? What if all I am capable of or best suited for is a retail track? Bar management?

I saw two very different shows this past week, both because college friends were performing. One was a very polished, very professional tap company performing all the classics, all the way back to Bojangles. The theater was refined, on the Upper West Side, complete with exposed brick wall and a small wine bar, apparently donated by Leonard Nimoy adjacent. The entire show looked like it had been designed by the wardrobe head of Seinfeld, or perhaps Seinfeld himself, and the score was a complete ninety minutes of smooth jazz, performed by a live band.

The second show was an open stage, out in Brooklyn at Galapagos Art Space. Innumerable circus acts got up, did their ten or fifteen minute bit, some more original than others. Poverty stricken as my friend and I were and thus determined to not indulge in the delicious cocktails of the Galapagos, we broke down before intermission because the vaudeville parade was just too much.

Both performances left me wondering ‘Why am I here? Why are they here, dedicating time and energy to an art form gone by, no longer in touch with contemporary culture? WHY are these people dressed like Seinfeld? Or Like Lucy and Ricky?

The answer is people think there are solutions hidden in our past. I subscribe to the idea that history repeats itself. I hate the fact that progress is hard and painful and often times more destructive than doing nothing at all. But I am so darn scared of being that symbol of evolutionary failure, the dinosaur.

 

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Alphabet Lessons: Self-Worth

Believe in yourself.

But be realistic about your limits.

This one I have to relate to the job search. Self-confidence is critical as is having a supportive network of people who demonstrate faith in you. But if I believed I was qualified for the Managing Editor jobs or Director of Media jobs or Digital Producer jobs that are out there, I would be completely delusional.

One great piece of advice I’ve heard over and over again is to not apply for positions you are absolutely not qualified for. Not only is it a poor use of time, but it’s a huge downer to continually not hear back from employers. Which goes back to the first line of this non-poem – avoid negativity.

I can’t badmouth this one too strongly though – I was definitely raised to be self-reliant and self-aware, and I credit that for allowing me to keep my chin up in adverse situations.

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Alphabet Lessons: Negatives and Positives

Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.

Alright. This is good advice, when followed in a reasonable matter. This is even better advice for someone on the career hunt, because negativity is a quicksand trap on has to pull oneself out of with retail therapy and over-use of credit cards.

But to play devil’s advocate a bit, how fully can one appreciate the positive without experiencing the negative in some shape or form?

Continue reading

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#Usblogs Week 4: After the Movies

Unlike many of the #usguys, I am not a marketing/sales/customer service person. I’m not even a businessperson. I’m a recent grad with a literature degree and stubborn determination to make it in the film industry.

So what have I learned from films? Nothing.

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21st Century Leadership and Term Limits #USblogs

Recent events, both worldwide and nationwide; in politics, entertainment and media, have shown that leadership does not last forever.

Mubarak was overthrown. Arianna Huffington sold her legacy. And GaGa is being lambasted for ripping of Madonna in her latest single. Continue reading

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Read my Ish on Guest of a Guest!

Wonder Woman's first cover, Sensation Comics #...

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Yesterday was my big day hanging out with the ever-chill GuestofaGuest team. I went in just to blog, but the day turned out to have way much more in store.

Some highlights:

  • Praise for my Wonder Woman post: Retro Gets Refreshed
  • Hearing about Disco Sally
  • Q:”What is social media? What are digital strategists?” A: “Eh, who really knows anyway.”
  • Being sent out on assignment to The Society at Memorial Sloan-Kettering‘s benefit luncheon (full post on THAT to come!)
  • Realizing there are people out there who get paid to plan and host such luncheons (add it to the list of aspirations).
  • “Interns are always sick”
  • Meeting fellow guest blogger Alex P. and hearing her theories on socializing and startups
  • Rachelle’s pandora station which featured Phil Collins + my favorite 80s bands.

I’ll be adding more links to this post as they’re published, but we have a little click competition going on so PLEASE click-through on Retro Gets Refreshed, share the link, and comment!

Coming Soon: Day in the Life of a Socialite

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Great Minds Think Alike

As we all know, Season 4 of MTV’s Jersey Shore will take the cast to Italy, where they will presumably get a whole different kind of chocolatey wasted, engage the locals in fisticuffs and leave with a stronger sense of their personal histories. Trust me, even if you’re not Italian you can’t visit Italy without thinking about the Roman empire and how their barbaric blood runs in the veins of pretty much every Western European nation.

I think it sounds like a great season. Why? Because I had the idea back in August:

EMPLOY ME

I concede others may have had the idea before MTV’s announcement as well.  I think we ALL should get some sort of credit, or due. Personally, I’m campaigning for a position in unscripted development (at Logo maybe? I love Logo. Please let me work at Logo). You can help me out by tweeting this post @logoTV, @MTVjobs, @MTV or @MTV_JerseyShore.

I mean yeah, I’d love to work on original pieces written by very creative people who deserve to be famous for all their creativity, but I’m past the point of pretending I don’t watch an absurd amount of reality TV. Coliseum sports are all the rage.

And hey, when in Rome….

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The Many Faces of R.O.I.

Sometimes, words and phrases are just fantastic. Like R.O.I. I love R.O.I.  I don’t know jack about finance, securities or any of that nonsense that would have made me rich before 2007. I avoided all mathematic classes that weren’t necessary to matriculating. I mean, it’s so boring right? But for all the supposed drudgery business and accounting and data analysis and even marketing involves, they all have all discovered the joys of one great acronym. R.O.I. It slips so easily into conversations. It sounds so smart, so mysterious.

Say each letter individually. AHRRR. OHHH. EIIIII. A crisp accent-less female voice over an unseen PA system, just repeating R.O.I.  R.O.I. AHRR OHHH EIIIIII. You’re in a pale blue bubble suit cheek against a sleek cold white surface and as you scramble to get up you know the world you’ve landed in is completely absurd but somehow better.

That AHRRR has a bit of pirate swagger, though. It has some vague awareness of the parameters it operates under, a notion of the heavy expectations from the O. and the I. to be a team player, but ARR is most clearly focused on the endgame. And as all pirates know when it comes to booty there are no rules, just guidelines.

The OHHH. Well. OHHH knows its way around the block. How to fill tight corners and stretch out crevices till every square inch has been exploited. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

And EEIIII? EEIIII is the Indian to ARRRR’s pirate. The carrier of tribal honor, embodying every cliche about the noble savage. Duty-bound to provide you with results but in no rush to conceal the blood lust in its eyes(iiiis). EIIIII never leaves the room without a war cry.

Or you can remove the acronymity and say it as one word. ROI. ROY. If I were French I would see it and think ‘King’ and indeed ROI radiates a supernatural glow. No conversation can occur without awareness of it’s royal presence. Being a prince of the modern age it stands erect, alert, smoking jacket on and cigarillo in hand. Demanding performance yet impossible to please all at once, for who but those instilled with Divine right can appease the Sun King? Feel free to insert any overbearing father figures into this particular cliche.

Now let’s try ‘Return on Investment‘. Congratulations, that smoking jacket made of finest Indian silks has been transformed into an olive-themed Cosby sweater with chino pants in a slightly different shade of olive from the sweater. You have frameless glasses, and to complete the ensemble a belt clip for your company-issued Blackberry, which is most certainly not the one Paris Hilton uses. And remember, nobody trusts a man who dresses in monochrome khaki.

Stick with R.O.I. and sip the nectar of the gods.

 

Coming soon: Other business terms you never bothered to think about.

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